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Анекдоты, стихи, загадки, поговорки, считалки

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What do you call a man when a Marine sits on him?
Submarine.

What is in the army and is corny?
A colonel (kernel).

If all the letters in the alphabet were on top of the highest mountain, which letter must leave first?
The letter "D" would begin the descent.

What is the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?
One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

How are a jeweler and a jailer alike?
The jeweler sells watches and the jailer watches cells.

Why was it so hard to find Abe Lincoln in Washington DC?
They were using his Gettysburg Address.

Where did King Arthur learn to joust?
In Knight school.

How much water can you put into an empty 2 quart jar?
None, it would not be empty.

What stars should you stay away from?
Shooting stars.

What is the happiest state in the USA?
Maryland.

Why would you put money in a freezer?
To get some cold, hard cash.

What teaches without talking?
A book.

What do you have if an ax falls on your car?
An ax-i-dent (accident)

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?
Lawsuits

Where were lemons first found?
In a tree.

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